Ok, my last post was pretty heavy, so I figured it’s time to have some fun. Anyone who knows me knows I’m a huge fan of the classic cartoons. Shoot, I might be the only person you’ll ever meet who’s gone to a bar with a tablet just to suck down beers, check out the women, and watch cartoons. And yes—I’ve actually done exactly that.
So, just for shits and giggles, let’s talk about who’s the sexiest female cartoon character. Since I’m old as dirt, we’re sticking strictly to the classics—none of that modern stuff. We’ll start by listing the contenders, then talk about why they made the cut.
While I was collecting images for this post, I realized I could really get carried away with this topic. But I’ll try to be good and not go completely off the rails. (Those of you who remember the old AwesomeChat IRC days—yeah, you know exactly where my mind went.)
Alright, ladies of the classic cartoons—step right up and show your stuff! Tell us who you are, what show you came from, and why you think you deserve the title of Sexiest Classic Cartoon Female.
Please let me introduce Betty Boop — the original sexy lady of classic cartoons. So, Betty, why don’t you tell us about yourself and why you think you deserve the title of sexiest of the classic cartoon ladies?
“Hi, I’m Betty Boop, and I’m the original pin-up girl of sexy cartoons. There was never a sexy cartoon lady before me — and honestly, I don’t think there’s been one since. When the dictionary defined the word sexy, they used me as the example.”
From the Stone Age, we’ve got Wilma Flintstone, wife of the original caveman himself — Fred Flintstone. So, Wilma, why do you think you deserve to be called the sexiest lady of the classic cartoons?
“Well, think about it. I’m a redhead. I wear a toga. And do you really think us Stone Age ladies wore underwear? Why do you think they never showed me standing on a chair to reach anything? Plus, I always hang out with the Rubbles — and Betty Rubble was my best friend in more ways than you can ever imagine.”
Again from the Stone Age, we have Betty Rubble, wife of Fred’s best friend, Barney Rubble. Betty, let’s talk about you—why do you think you should be considered the sexiest classic cartoon lady?
“I personally don’t think I should hold that title alone. I think Wilma and I should share it. After all, we’re best friends—and we do everything together. And when I say everything, I mean everything. If only Fred and Barney knew how much we actually do together… or how close we really are.”
Next up, we’ve got Tinkerbell — the heartthrob of the Lost Boys and the ultimate tease of Captain Hook’s crew. So, Tink, I’m sure you’ve broken plenty of hearts over the years. But you’re so small—how do you handle all those guys lusting after you? And why do you think you deserve to be called the sexiest female in the classic cartoon world?
“Well, about being small and all those lusting guys—let’s just say I’ve got pixie dust. And there’s nothing that pixie dust can’t handle. As for why I should be considered the sexiest classic cartoon female? Just look at me. You’re telling me you don’t want to play with my pixie dust while my wings wrap around you? Come on, be serious.”
Do I really have to introduce this lady? Seriously? Jessica Rabbit, from Who Framed Roger Rabbit. So, Jessica—before I ask why you think you should be considered the sexiest classic cartoon female, let me ask another question.
In the original release of Roger Rabbit, us dirty old men thought we spotted an Easter egg: a scene where your dress flies up, and it looks like you aren’t wearing panties. Now, they say that was just an animator’s mistake—but I call bullshit. So, tell me, Jessica… were you wearing panties, or weren’t you?
chuckles “I’ll never tell. Do I really look like a woman who would go without panties?” evil grin
laughs Ok, Jessica, I’ll just let my imagination run wild with that. So, why do you think you should be considered the sexiest classic cartoon lady?
“Seriously? You have to ask me that? Sorry, Betty Boop—you wish. Let me put it this way, Dan: tell me one other cartoon lady you’ve mentioned where people freeze-frame a scene just to see if she’s wearing panties or not. And honestly—name one man who doesn’t want to motorboat between my mounds of joy. Enough said.”
So there you have it, everyone — the women of classic cartoons that I thought you’d find sexy. Sorry, Velma Dinkley. Even though I think you’re sexy as sin (and I’ve always wanted to see what’s under that frumpy sweater), I didn’t think anyone else would agree with me.
Just drop a comment under this post on Facebook and tell me who you think deserves the title of sexiest woman in classic cartoons. And while I’m sure plenty of you will say Jessica, my mind kind of wanders after hearing some of the answers these ladies gave.
And as a final note — wait till you see my next post. I’m not going to say what it’s about, but I’ve never — and I mean never — seen anyone do anything even close to what I have in mind.
Don’t just scroll — drop your pick below! Let’s see who really knows their classic cartoon crushes.